I wouldn’t say I’m a control freak, necessarily, but I do like to know what to expect. I just like to know what is going on and when it’s happening. I like to have things somewhat planned out, which makes being married to a fisherman especially frustrating. I feel like I never know what’s going on. Not only do we never know how much money we will make, but it’s not until the last minute that we know when Zed will be leaving, and it’s usually not until he’s already on his way home that I know when he’ll be back.
I always have to ask (I can’t help myself!) even though I know it’s a dumb question – every time Zed leaves on a fishing trip, I ask “any idea when you’ll be back?” Zed very patiently tries to give me an estimate, but I know it means very little, fishing is too unpredictable.
At the moment, Zed is on a fishing trip out of Seward, AK. So I’m waiting, waiting, waiting to hear from him to know that he’s safe and find out how their trip went. And then I will wait and wait through some more trips until he can finally come home. He’s been up there a month now and it could be another month or two before he’s done (please, please let it be sooner!).
I think I’ve grown a little more patient over the last seven years (the time Zed and I have been together), but the problem is, well… kids change everything. As I am getting better at waiting, the kids are getting worse. When they were really little, they hardly noticed when their dad left. Now they get genuinely sad and they ask me constantly, “when is Dad coming home?” And then I have to give them some vague answer (because I don’t actually know) like “a little while longer, honey, Dad has a few more fish to catch.”